Been a while… AGAIN

Damn guys it has been a hot minute.  I have been away for a while, but I’m back and ready to share more things with you guys.  So here we go. while I’ve been away  I have been thinking about ways to be more creative and what sort of content to upload to my youtube channel.

So here is something I did about my thoughts on love. This will be my first out of many more videos like this. The next one will be on depression.

So like subscribe and even comment on the video on your thoughts about Love.

 

 

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What’s Wrong With Me?????

Oh I cannot wait for 2016 to be over. This year hasn’t been great. There has been a lot of personal thing’s I have been dealing  with, and also some other stuff.

Now as someone who has struggled with highs and low, I have had days where I’m fine one minute, and then not so great the next.

I often wonder what’s wrong with me? Why do I feel so worthless sometimes, even though I try to stay positive and be happy. The negatives thoughts seem to come back, and just stay there, playing on my mind on a loop. I keep constantly asking myself why do I feel like this? Why do these negative thoughts keep popping up?

In the past I’ve just let these thoughts  stay there until they disappear, and they do, and for a couple of weeks or even months I feel happy, I feel great,but then something snaps inside me and then those thoughts come back, and I’m clouded with this depression and negativity. I mean I don’t want to feel like this, and everyday this year has become a struggle and battle to stay  positive.

Now the new year is almost upon us, and all I can think to myself is, I hope it’s better than this year, I hope what  awaits for me in 2017 can help me with my battle and inner demons, because I want to feel free, and this  year I haven’t feel much of that.

 

22 Things I’ve Learnt

Good Afternoon everyone. I hope you’re all having a good start to your Friday. So lets just jump right into todays blog.

It’s gonna be a quick one, and its about a small little thing I’ve been working on.

So it’s almost November, and  you know these month can go by so quickly, and before you know it; it will be Christmas, but before Christmas there’s this one little thing happening, and that is my birthday.

YES, DECEMBER 1st!!!!!!

On that day I will be turning twenty three. Which is crazy since I still kinda look like a sixteen year old ( I guess black don’t crack), and I get ask for ID all the time. ( They say its a compliment).

Anyway to celebrate the end of being twenty two I’ve been working on one of those 22 things I’ve learnt videos. You know those sentimental videos you see on Youtube about things people have learnt during whatever age they are transitioning from. Mine being 22.

So I’m really excited about this little video, and I’m in the process of still filming bits and pieces and editing, but I can’t wait to share it with all of you.

Heres a little teaser picture.Snapshot - 78.png

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy your Friday and the weekend.

Why I Started My Youtube Channel

Just a quick thing.

Youtube. I have a love/hate relationship with it. It’s a site that is full of many wonders and amazing content, but also it can be quite problematic sometimes.

However with all this being said, last year I decided to venture into the world of youtube and start vlogging.

Why?

Well mainly because I want to become more confident, and I thought talking about random things to a camera would help me with that, I mean why wouldn’t it.

And Yes, Slowly it is helping.

However another factor into why I started vlogging is because  I find youtube can be a very white space sometimes, and if I’m being honest I don’t know many well known British youtubers  of colour who also identify as queer or LGBT ( sidenote I don’t really label myself, but 70% of the time, my gay is showing). I want to try and change that.

Now I haven’t ventured into talking about my own sexuality on my channel yet, but I want, just in my own time.So for now I just react to things and talk about other subjects going on in my life.

Furthermore making videos makes me happy. Often enough I get into a bad headspace sometimes, and I need something to focus on, to make me feel better,and vlogging has helped me.

Now what I post may not be for everyone, but I’m  learning and growing, and with any of my videos I want to reach someone that looks like me, especially in this country. Hoping whatever I post gives them enjoyment, but also allows them to see someone they can connect with.

So here is a link to my channel. Take a look around. Like /Subscribe.

But also remember to be kind.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCLJS7VKpPOTrTPeXSADQAkw

 

 

 

 

It’s Been A While

Gosh, I cannot remember the last time I posted on here. It has really been a while,but that needs to change.

So what’s been happening? Well at lot.

I’ve had a few ups and downs the past few months.  I’ve  been trying to stay focused on my path to achieving my goals and aspirations, but it hasn’t been easy. Some days I just want to give up, and focus on doing something else. Maybe becoming a counsellor or something for teenagers, and just give up wanting to be scriptwriter and working in the film industry.

But no I wont.

I’ve come along way, and even though I’m not where I want to be right now, I’m still going to stick at it, because  I constantly tell myself my time will come. I just have to be patient, and even though there’s this annoying voice in the back of my head telling me to give up, I wont give in.

I try to keep myself active and creative. I try to work on script ideas, or my photography. I even have a youtube channel I’m trying to get off the ground. I’m still deciding what kind of channel I want to be. Floating between making reaction videos, to making vlog about my life and important issues. I mean it’s not easy. It’s going to take some time to generate and audience and get people to watch, but at the same time, I’m not going to give up on that either. I’m going to keep at it.

So Yes. Life is hard, and we get knock backs a lot ( I mean I’d have many) but they’ve only made me stronger, and like I said my time will come. No one ever got anywhere by giving up.

In the meantime. here’s a little video from my channel. Maybe the few people reading this ( if any at all) will like and subscribe.

Love and peace. x

 

 

 

 

We Are Orlando

 

Sunday  night I sat in a taxi. My mom and two sisters were there. I sat between my two sisters at the back. The radio played fairly loud,and on it they were talking about the Orlando Shooting.

Most of that day we had been watching news coverage of the tragedy so my emotions were already running high. So as I sat in the taxi I could feel tears starting to form as I listened to the radio. I hate crying in front of people so I did my best to hold them back.

My heart is heavy knowing that 50 people full of life, and love were taken senselessly  away from their families and loved one because of their sexuality.  Its huge reminder that the LGBT community is never safe, even in a place where they could go to be themselves. A place where they celebrating who they are, but as you start to realise no place is safe.

In all honesty I’ve been struggling to find the words to type, because I’m still trying to make sense of the tragedy  and I’m still  full of sadness, and what adds more to this hurt and sadness is that just a few days before this shooting the singer Christina Grimmie was also shot dead.

It’s crazy to think we live in a world where we have to worry whether we’re gonna make it through the day, because there are so many evil people taking other human lives on a daily basis, especially in America where they can obtain a gun so easily and use it for  whatever purpose they want.

Yesterday and today I sat reading and listening to all the names of the victims, and my eyes yet again filled with tears, as many of them were around my age and a bit older,  It always makes me angry when I see young lives been taken especially those who are people are colour, which many of the victims were. Their potential, goals and lives were taken away from them because of hatred.

Honestly America use to be a place I would have loved to have called home, but in the back of my mind I think just living in America means putting yourself in danger as more and more people are using guns to hurt others. I mean when will it end.

Ultimately I pray America takes a massive look at gun control and background checks, because to many innocent people are dying.

My thoughts are with Orlando and the families and friends of all the victims and people injured in this tragedy. I hope one day with can live in world with peace and harmony.

 

 

In Between Us Episode 1

So as promised I said I would upload the scripts to a web series idea I’ve been writing up. In an earlier post I spoke about the series and what it’s about. So go check that out if you already haven’t read it,to get a feel about the series.

But here’s the first episode. In the script characters Morgan and AJ meet Shauna for the first time.

Have a read and let me know what you think.

In Between Us Episode 1 First Meeting

#ILoveWynonnaEarp

At first I was skeptical, but Wynonna Earp is the type of show I’ve been waiting for. It’s smart, funny and sexy and gives me a serious case of “new show” excitement. Every week I can’t wait for the next episode.

So Wynonna Earp was developed by Emily Andras ( Lost Girl), and the show is basically about the great grand daughter of Wyatt Earp, Wynonna who ends up back in her home town of Purgatory( I know right name for a town)  and has to basically fight resurrected criminals called  Revanants that  her great  grand father took down a long time ago, and in doing so she can hopefully  find a way to break the curse that is on her family.

 

As I said I was skeptical about the show. Why? Well I had seen a lot of mixed comments about it, but also as someone who watches a lot of TV I didn’t want to get invested in the show in case it got cancelled, something that has happened to me in the past ( Looking at you Minority Report). I understand though no TV shows future is safe, there is always that uncertainty, but  I have my fingers crossed for Wynonna Earp to have many season because it deserves it.

What initially caught my eye about the show is the blossoming relationship between Waverly Earp ( Wynonna  sister) and Officer Nicole Haught ( Pronounced HOT) because who doesn’t enjoy a good old lesbian interest between two characters especially if it looks promising .So for the most part I didn’t really about anything else on the show, however what really  got me to say “screw it”  watch the show was twitter. A lot of people I followed  were watching it and talking about it every week. I felt like I was missing out on something amazing, and Oh boy was  I.

In the first few minutes of the Pilot episode I was really intrigued by Wynonna and just her attitude to things. She kind of reminded me of Jessica Jones in the sense of having an unapologetic  damaged quality about her and only really caring about a few things such as her sister, and I really enjoy seeing writers have females leads that aren’t perfect and have issues and  god Wynonna has issues, but she still also a likeable character.

Also as someone who is an aspiring writer, I really enjoy the writing on the show and how funny it is. I mean some of Wynonna lines really have me in stitches where I’m like I can’t believe she just said that.  The show and writing really gets me excited the way the writing on Buffy did especially this type of genre where the writing can be lacking sometimes.

Another thing I really love about the show is the Waverly and Wynonna dynamic, as someone who has sisters, I can understand how strong that bond is, and despite their differences they always have each other backs no matter the situation.  And even though Waverly is  the younger sister it’s obvious  she helps keep part of Wynonna grounded but also sane with the whole Revenant killing and being the chosen one to break the Earp Curse.She like her anchor and it just melts my hear.

Now even though the show has a female lead, we can’t forget the  men of the show. It interesting as someone who  enjoys female characters a lot I tend to not really care much about male character these days but there is something about the character of Xavier Dolls and  Doc Holliday that give me a bit of a buzz.

What’s really interesting about the show and what I love are these two characters is their interaction with Wynonna as it’s obvious they both have really  good chemistry with her, and hence shipping comes into play. To add to this another thing that I also really love is how Wynonna isn’t pining over these two guys or even talking about them romantically,  I mean yes you’ve seen the odd flirtation with both, but  I think thats just very true to her character and it obvious Wynonna isn’t going to let a man get in her way, however I really do ship her with Dolls, and with that being said I really like their relationship. I like the back the forth the two  have despite Dolls being quite up tight and very mysterious, but  with his  interaction around Wynonna  we see moments of his softer side  and it obvious he really cares for Wynonna and also has her back too.

Moving away from talking about Dolls, I really want to talk about Doc Holliday.  With the show there are different things about each characters I love, but the way Tim Rozon (who I absolutely hated on Lost Girl as Massimo btw) plays Doc Holliday is like my new favourite thing. I can’t help but be attracted to him, and  what I love most about his character is not knowing whether he’s a good or bad guy which is always fun to see on a show.

I also think the reason I  really like his character, is because he reminds me of Spike from Buffy with his charm and flirtation and only doing thing help himself, however being drawn to wanting to help Wynonna like Spike with Buffy.

Finally I’m in love with this show. I think everyone should be watching it, because it’s just brilliant. The whole concept and characters really excite me and  as kid this was the kind of genre growing I really enjoyed, but when the age of vampires hit and  a lot of supernatural fantasy shows were being made I sort of got tired this  of this genre and these type of show, however Wynonna Earp has given me a new hope for this type of genre, and I can’t wait to see where the show goes.

 

I Like Sex #ImNotASlut

I like sex. I like having sex.Its great ( when it’s done right) and safely. I mean I think about sex probably 70% of the time, but we live in a society and world that paints this idea that woman who like having a lot of sex, or have had many sexual partners are sluts, whereas men can sleep with who ever they want and not have any judgement thrown at them,once again showing the inequality woman have to face daily.

I mean literally I can remember in school, when I would over hear conversations about some girls who had done a few sexual things with different guys or whatever and a few people would call them sluts, many of those people also being girls which is interesting, as no girl or woman is safe from the word slut, so why as a woman  use it as a  slur for another woman when you could easily be the one being called a slut.

And in a world where  young woman are so impressionable at a young age they are learning and being taught this idea that wanting to explore their sexuality and be sexually active is  a bad thing, when in reality its not. Yes I understand that sex can be can be complicated and things like pregnancy can happen, but sex isn’t only about pro creation, but also pleasure and why as a woman can’t we experience as much pleasure as we want.

I mean if you are a young girl reading this or female who likes being sexually active don’t feel bad or allow society to bring you down just because you like having a lot of sex because news flash woman like sex just as much as men and we shouldn’t be oppressed or feel bad just because we do. I mean men don’t get to feel bad about it. Why should we.